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Rebecca Gayheart and Eric Dane may no longer be together romantically, but the former couple is coping with their ALS diagnosis together.
As Dane’s condition evolved, Gayheart found herself taking on responsibilities that went beyond emotional support.
She became a dedicated caregiver, coordinating care and helping to secure 24-hour nursing support, while maintaining a separate household and keeping life as normal as possible for their daughters.
Commitment, she says, is rooted in a connection that no longer seems romantic but remains deeply personal.
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Gayheart said she had a “family love” with Dane. The former couple is separated but remains married. (Lester Cohen/Getty Images for GLAAD)
“Our love may not be romantic, but it’s a family love,” she told The Cut. “Anything I can do or any way I can show up to make this journey better or easier for him, I want to do that.”
Dane now requires 24-hour nursing care, a reality that Gayheart says only became apparent after persistent battles with insurers.
“Eric now has nurses 24/7,” she said. “Just understanding the healthcare system is its own thing – the health insurance company will deny you what you ask for… you have to appeal, and then you have to reapply.”
She remembers a brutal exchange with an insurance representative that fueled her determination.
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Gayheart said she had to fight to get the care Dane needed. (Jason LaVeris/FilmMagic)
“With the nurses, the woman from his insurance told me, ‘You can keep applying, and I’ll keep refusing,'” Gayheart said. “I was like, Oh? Fuck that. I made it my mission. I was ‘locked in,’ as the kids would say. I crashed, then I locked him up.”
After two appeals, care was approved, but coverage gaps remained, leaving Gayheart to step in herself when needed.
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When caregiving demands overlap with parenting responsibilities, Gayheart said she has learned to ask for help, even when it feels uncomfortable.
“There was a 12-hour shift recently that I couldn’t do. I could only do four hours because of everything the kids were doing,” she said. “So I had to call on two of Eric’s friends, one of whom had never really looked after him that way.”
His hesitation was quickly met with support.
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“I was like, I can’t believe I had to ask someone to do that,” she said. “And of course, when I asked for help, they said, ‘Yeah, whatever, what do you need? What’s going on?’ And they both showed up and did a wonderful job.”
The 54-year-old actress recalled the moment she learned of her ALS diagnosis. “I was in my closet the day I heard those three letters: ALS,” Gayheart said.
“Eric called me from the doctor’s office in San Francisco; he had come to see a neurologist there.”
Gayheart said Dane experienced symptoms for several months before receiving a diagnosis. (Rebecca Gayheart/Instagram)
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The warning signs, she said, had been there for nearly a year, appearing daily with their children.
“When we were having a meal with the kids, he would say things like, ‘There’s something wrong with my hand,'” Gayheart said, saying he had trouble using the utensils. “That’s when he started seeing doctors.”
She added: “When he told me that day, he started crying, as did I. It didn’t seem real because he was still fine.”
At home with their youngest daughter, Gayheart tried to answer the call privately.
“I was here at home with my youngest daughter – my house, which I have only shared with the girls, since Eric and I separated in September 2017 – and I had gone to my closet to answer the call, trying to stay private,” she said.
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Dane and Gayheart share daughters Billie, 15, and Georgia, 14. (Gilbert Flores/Variety via Getty Images)
Her daughter immediately felt something was wrong.
Gayheart said: “I tried to tell her, ‘Honey, nothing. It’s okay,” because I couldn’t understand.”
The former couple, who share daughters Billie, 15, and Georgia, 14, then broke the news to their children with advice from therapists.
“We wanted to have complete transparency and honesty with them,” Gayheart said. “I’m a horrible liar. You can see right through me.”
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Gayheart and Dane married in 2004. They separated in 2017, but the divorce filing was withdrawn in April. A few weeks later, the “Grey’s Anatomy” actor announced that he had been diagnosed with ALS.
According to the Mayo Clinic, ALS is a “disease of the nervous system that affects nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord.” This can lead to significant muscle loss, difficulty breathing, eating problems and, in some cases, dementia.
